Something to celebrate

I got on the scale and in a month I have loss 23 pounds. funny thing is I wasn't even really trying. So I am very happy about that:)

Pictures from the visit

So happy

Thought I would update while the kids nap and I have a moment to myself. Last night I got the kids for my weekend and it was just amazing. It's crazy how in 3 weeks they can grow up so much. Jackman talking up a storm and Lexyboo pulling up and scooting on fruntuire. Of course it's a bittersweet moment it also makes me sad because it seems in such a short period of time I have missed so much. When I picked them up I of course cried more than I anticipated. I thought I could hold in and not show that what he did hurt me but I couldn't. My kids are my entire world they are all that matter to me. Once I get a chance to post pictures I will.

Court

Here is what happen. b/c of Jack's therapy he still has the kids. Now I have set vistation so I guess we will see how it goes. I miss my kids so much it hurts. In all honesty I haven't slept to well since the incident I just cannot wait until I can see them. I just wish I had the power to make there father feel the way I do on the 29th. See how he feels when he's on the floor screaming for help b/c it feels like his throat is getting crushed. Or to be left in an apartment alone with no transportation, no money crying and afraid. Afraid b/c He hurt me and the fact that he took our kids and I didnt know where they went. I wish he could look out that window and see my family laugh and have a grand old party b/c I hurt him physically and emotionally. I wish he could cry himself to sleep b/c I wouldnt let him see the kids he cared for since birth. But I don't have that power and he honestly does not care what I have been through. I trusted him with my safety and my heart and it was betrayed. All I keep thinking about now is my poor kids. They probaley think I abandoned them when it is just the opposite of that. My kids are being used as a weapon to control me and that's not right they don't deserve that. Anyways January 20th is the next court date and I will be counting the hours until then.

Tomorrow=court

I have my first family court apperance tomorrow. I am anxious and nervous. I just pray to god that things go in my favor. I have been through hell these past 3 weeks. I miss my kids so much I have been away from them a long time and it breaks my heart. I still have questions that I know will never have answers. Like how could you hurt me physically and emotionally? How can you say you loved me yet do something so evil as to seperate me and our kids? I guess I already know that answer. It was never about love but control, everything I thought you were and I thought we meant to each other was just an act. Keeping my kids from me is the last bit of control you have and when I am reunited with them and that control is lost I will be free to move on and heal. I also would like to just thank everyone all my friends and family for being there for me. It's great to know that no matter what there are people behind me supporting me in my time of need. So keep me and my children in your prayers tomorrow. Love ya all.

Still Going

Courts on Tuesday. I cannot wait hopefully I will be seening my babies this week.

Still here and breathing

Just letting everyone know I am still here. I just don't have much to talk about. 2 weeks I have not seen my babies. As always I miss them and love them with all my heart and cannot wait until we are reunited<3>

No-Show/Hurting

As you can see by the title their father did not show up with them. I am so upset about this I am sad because I have not seen my kids in a week and 2 days. I am also angry because how can their father be so cruel. He's treating me like I have no rights to my children.......Like I am not their mother. It hurts me so much to be a part from them. I can only pray that god helps me through this and that I am reunited with my children soon. I love you Jackman and lexyboo <3

Cannot Wait

Friday I am suppose to get my kids until Sunday. I am very excitied I have not see them in a week and it has been hell. So everyone keep your fingers crossed that their father actually shows up with them. I miss them so much.......love you kids<3

I miss Them

All I can still say is I miss my kids. I just keep praying for them. I pray that their ok. Everynight I toss and turn thinking about them. I wonder if they miss me as much as I miss them. They are so young I sometimes wonder if by the time this gets to court if they will even remeber me. I am hoping Jack is getting their care he needs and hoping that their father is not neglecting it. Tomorrow is my 23rd Birthday and It's just not worth celebrating without my kids by my side. I love you Jack and Alexis always<3