A Story I want to tell

Many people know that Ed and I had a falling out and now are battling it out in family court. It's taking some months but I want to tell everyone what happened to me. I guess I need to start from the beginning of it all when I met him.

I had big dreams I was 19 just graduated high school and starting college in the fall. I wanted to be an English teacher or maybe a writer I wasn't completely sure what I wanted to do with my life at that moment. I wanted a house in Maine and a perfect little family. Plans never workout the way we want. I ended up 19 and pregnant. pregnant by a guy that I thought was the one. I was not thrilled with being pregnant I was honestly ashamed. I couldn't tell anyone except my best friend. I was afraid that people would think less of me. What did I do? I ran. I told my mom I wasn't going to college and packed my things and moved in with Ed and his mom. Ed and I didn't even tell our families I was pregnant until I was 5 months and couldn't hide it anymore. Ed also asked me to marry him. I said yes. I wanted to marry him I wanted us to be that perfect little family. In May we had a handsome little boy. life was perfect being a mom was the best thing that ever happened to me but it was hard at times. Night time feedings, numerous diaper changes I wasn't prepared. I thought Ed would be right there helping me but he wasn't. I did everything myself. I got through it like every other mother has. When Jack was four months I had a huge fight with Ed's mom. She resents me for stealing her son. She also wanted to take the role as mom in Jack's life which I was not allowing. make a long story short I ended up back at my moms. I begged Ed to come stay at my moms with us but he wouldn't. Ed became distant and mean. He was always running around with his friends drinking and smoking pot while I took care of Jack. We started arguing all the time and he started calling me cruel names like a bitch and a cunt. I didn't think we were going to make it then. I was so afraid of ending up a single mom. I didn't want that for my kids so I was determined to keep the relationship going. We ended up getting our own place but on Ed's income alone we were barley surviving. That is when Ed decided we should move into the apartment next door to his mother that his grandfather owned. Ed said it would be best we didn't have to pay anything rent,water,electricity,heat his grandfather took care of it all. We moved back to Ed's hometown and I also was expecting again. That next year is when everything got bad. Jack was diagnosed developmentally delayed,Alexis was born,Ed switched jobs and then lost his job. That is when the arguments got unbearable and the hitting began. He would push me,grab me,drag me and sometimes even punch me during an argument and when I cried he made fun of me. He called me names and made me feel worthless everyday. Even though he did all those awful things to me I still loved him. I used to think I deserved it like maybe if I didn't argue with him I wouldn't drive him to hit me. He was always sorry after. He always apologized and said it wouldn't happen again and I believed him. Time after time I believed that would be the last bad fight. After awhile I stopped believing. I wanted to leave him. every time we fought I swore it was the last time. The last time I would be told I am going to be hit like a man if I am going to act like one. The last time he would drag me down the stares and try and throw me out the front door. It never was I always forgave him. I had no where to go. I had no money and no where to stay with my kids. Besides I didn't want to break up our family. Then one day I suppose god decided it was time for all the abuse to stop.