* Mommy's Blessings*

Christmas Time!

2012-01-18T21:22:00.000-05:00

Lexy turned 4

2012-01-18T21:18:00.000-05:00

Wow!

2012-01-18T21:13:00.002-05:00

I just realized how long ago my last post was. I will have to give updates and pictures pronto!

Whats been happening

2012-01-18T21:11:00.000-05:00

It's been a month of sickness for the kiddos!!

Lexy had a touch pneumonia. Friday I bring her to the doctor to see if it has cleared up. (Hopefully it has).
Jace has yet another bought of bronchitis.

Jack is my only healthy lol

Hopefully everyone gets better soon :)

Happy Birthday To Me!!!!

2011-11-03T22:22:00.000-04:00

Today is my Birthday! Yupp I was born 26 years ago today:)

Anyways now I'll update ya on what has been going on.

Halloween came and went. Jack and Lexy spent the Holiday at their dads. So the weekend before I took them to the museum where they had halloween acitvties. Jack was captian america. Lexy was a unicorn and Jace a monkey.We carved pumpkins as well. I will upload pics soon.

Happy 8th Birthday!

2011-10-01T07:18:00.001-04:00

8 years ago I became an aunt to the cutest little girl. Wow I can't believe it's been 8 years already. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS BIANCA <3

Busy Weekend with the kids!!

2011-09-18T20:36:00.000-04:00

This weekend was a busy one with the kids. Saturday we went to my moms followed by the park.
Then Today was Apple Orchard day :) we picked apples, ate kettle corn, and the kid's played in the apple playland:)

Alexis Starts Preschool

2011-09-13T23:05:00.000-04:00

Today Miss Lexy started preschool. She was so excited to go in and start her day. She showed me all the toys.books, and her name tag. She didn't even cry which made me very proud :)

Jackman Starts Kindergarten

2011-09-07T10:34:00.000-04:00

Jack started kindergarten today. I can't not believe he is officially school aged (feels like he was just born). He was a little bit moody to start with, but he didn't cry once. He even walked down the hallway into his classroom by himself. I am so proud of my big guy:)

Next week Alexis will be starting preschool to<3

Tropical Storms

2011-08-29T12:28:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Irene came through NY. I am not waiting for our landlord to arrive ( my bedroom roof and Jack's roof leaked). My hot water tank is also not working ( hopefully just the pilots out). On top of that our city has a voluntarily evacuation in effect. I don't think the river flooding will hit where I live but many river boarder homes and business's are under water. Thoughts and Prayers to everyone the storm has effected <3

My 3 firecrackers :)

2011-07-12T12:10:00.000-04:00

Busy Weekend!

2011-07-02T11:34:00.000-04:00

It's fourth of July weekend, so it's really busy. I am going to my moms today to make cupcakes for my cousins party. Then Tomorrow is a famliy cookout followed by another cookout on Monday. I am hoping the baby will be calm and not fussy around so many people ( It's his first time outout).

Anyways Happy Holiday Weekend Everyone:)

Jace's Arrival Pics!

2011-06-13T15:14:00.000-04:00

I know better late than never.

Why I've been MIA

2011-06-13T15:09:00.000-04:00

I have been MIA because we moved into a new apartment and haven't had internet installed, so it's going to be another week until I am back online.

Jace had his first doctors appointment last Tuesday. He was a little jaundice but that has now resolved itself. Besides the jaundice he is a healthy little guy. He weighed in at 8.2 so he didn't lose much of his birth weight.

Jack has been going through a defiant stage lately, he just doesn't like to listen ( typical 5 year old lol) Other than that he's doing good. His well child visit was about 2 months ago....he is healthy although he was not happy about his kindergarten immunizations.

Lexy had her well child visit as well, she to is healthy. She's my little helper lately doing stuff around the house for me.

The big kiddos love their baby brother. They always want to pet his head or hold him :)

Welcome Jace Ryan

2011-06-04T20:32:00.000-04:00

My big guy was born June 1st through repeat c-section. He weighed 8 pounds 9 ounces and is 21 inches long.

Little Guy Comes Tomorrow!

2011-05-31T23:29:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow at 9:15 I am scheduled to have my c-section :) Yupp I'll be off to the hospital at 7 am to get prepped to meet my little man. I am really excited!!! So wish me luck everyone:)

Baby Shower

2011-05-16T20:44:00.000-04:00

Baby Shower Day

2011-05-14T09:26:00.000-04:00

Today is the baby shower :)
The shower should be so much fun today. I wasn't allowed to be there for the decorating of the place, because Joe's mom wants it to be a surprise. I can't wait to see what everything looks like. We worked on so many really cool things for the baby shower. really cool diaper cake centerpieces, fun games and some awesome prizes. I will definitely post pictures as soon as I can.

I am also excited because this week coming up I am moving into a new apartment :) I am also excited because I have a 2 and half weeks left until My c-section date!!! I cannot wait to meet my little man :)

36 week pic

2011-05-10T21:52:00.000-04:00

Preg. Highlights

2011-05-10T21:51:00.000-04:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 36 weeka

Size of baby: large

Total Weight Gain:like 25 pounds

Maternity Clothes: Yes, yes!

Gender: my lil man

Movement:

Is all the time and very uncomfortable

Sleep:wake up several times a night so not well

What I miss: sex on the beach

Cravings:none

Symptoms: peeing way to much

What I’m looking forward to: Baby Shower Saturday!!!!! :)

Easter

2011-04-30T07:52:00.000-04:00

Easter was last weekend and the kids had and awesome time. They colored eggs,played games, and had a yummy easter dinner :)

early 35 week picture

2011-04-30T07:48:00.003-04:00

week 35

2011-04-30T07:48:00.000-04:00

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 35 weeks on Monday
Size of baby:I would say big and my bladder agrees!

Total Weight Gain:like 22-24 I would say
Maternity Clothes: Yes, yes!

Gender: my lil man
Movement:
Is all the time and very uncomfortable
Sleep:wake up several times a night so not well
What I miss:wearing my jeans

Cravings:none
Symptoms:I have not started to swell when I am on my feet for to long.
What I’m looking forward to:son's party today, baby shower on the 14th, and my c-section date June 1st!

What's been happening

2011-04-29T15:23:00.000-04:00

I decided to take a chance to update what's been going on in our lives.

Jack- Jack's party is tomorrow :) I am so excited we baked cupcakes and were cooking on the grill (yumm). Also went to Jack's kindergarten registration......a bitter sweet moment, I can't believe he is turning five and is no longer my little guy!!!! That said I am also dreading Tuesday when he has his well child visit and gets those rounds of kindergarten immunizations.

Lexy- Lexy after 6 months of potty training regression ( due to her UTI) she finally started using the potty AGAIN!! She has been in her big girl undies all day:)

Me/Bun in the oven- I had my level two ultrasound for the baby and everything turned out normal which I am really relived and happy about. I also finally was giving my c-section date of June 1st!!!!!

34 week pic

2011-04-29T15:15:00.000-04:00

34 weeks

2011-04-29T15:14:00.000-04:00

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 34 Weeks
Size of baby:as of two weeks ago or so 4 pounds 8 ounces.

Total Weight Gain:20!!!
Maternity Clothes: Yes, yes!

Gender: my lil man
Movement:
Is all the time and very uncomfortable
Sleep:wake up several times a night so not well
What I miss:not being in pain

Cravings:none
Symptoms:pelvis kills everyday and hate these braxton hicks contractions.
What I’m looking forward to:my sons birthday party tomorrow and the baby shower in 2 weeks!

30 week pic

2011-04-09T15:49:00.000-04:00

30 weeks

2011-04-09T13:16:00.000-04:00

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 30 weeks
Size of baby:He feels pretty big!
Total Weight Gain: lost about 2 pounds so 16 lbs.
Maternity Clothes: yupp
Gender:My BOY
Movement: all the time.

Sleep: Sleeping okay
What I miss:breathing lol
Cravings: Nothing.
Symptoms:complete discomfort when I sit up.
What I’m looking forward to:Just him being here

Set Back

2011-04-04T20:32:00.000-04:00

I was hoping to start college at a place in my area but unfortunately due to my old online school and me owning a large balance I can't. my old school is holding my transcripts so I can't start at the new school.

I now have 2 options either wait until I can pay the balance or maybe try a different online school. So I am now looking into this other online school.

So praying something pulls through.

29 week pic!

2011-03-31T16:07:00.000-04:00

29 weeks

2011-03-31T16:06:00.000-04:00

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 29 weeks
Size of baby:He feels pretty big!
Total Weight Gain: 18 pounds
Maternity Clothes: yupp
Gender:My BOY
Movement: Constant movement!!

Sleep: Sleeping okay
What I miss:Not having so many aches and pains.
Cravings: Nothing.
Symptoms:back pains and pelvic pain
What I’m looking forward to:Baby Shower Next Month: )

week 28 pic

2011-03-21T14:17:00.000-04:00

Pregnancy Highlights-week 28

2011-03-21T14:16:00.000-04:00

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 28 weeks
Size of baby: about 2 pounds!!!
Total Weight Gain: 18 pounds
Maternity Clothes: yupp
Gender: Jayce my boy!
Movement: Constant movement!!

Sleep: ok

What I miss:breathing comfortably
Cravings: Nothing.
Symptoms: My nose looks fat lol

26 week picture

2011-03-11T13:32:00.002-05:00

26 weeks!!

2011-03-11T13:31:00.000-05:00

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 26 Weeks
Size of baby: Eggplant
14.5 inches and about 2lbs.
Total Weight Gain: unknown next doctors appointment the 21st.
Maternity Clothes: Yep
Gender: My little man!
Movement: jumping around like a monkey everyday
Sleep: sleeping great, lots of energy lately.
What I miss: honestly exercise
Cravings: None really
Symptoms: still some leg pain not as bad though
What I’m looking forward to: Baby shower in May :)

24 week pic

2011-02-28T15:32:00.000-05:00

Pregnancy highlights-week 24

2011-02-26T22:42:00.000-05:00

regnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 24 weeks
Size of baby: length of an ear of corn

Total Weight Gain: 18Ibs.
Maternity Clothes: yupp

Gender: Boy, mr. jayce
Movement:Very Active!
Sleep: I sleep pretty well.
What I miss: Not getting winded climbing staries
Cravings: None
Symptoms: syatic nerve pain mostly.

Feeling down

2011-02-08T17:38:00.000-05:00

I am feeling really sad right now. Jackman was asleep when his dad's mom came to get him, ( Just my luck he peed his pants while sleeping) so I had to change him and then carry him out the door. For the first time ever I seen my boy break down and it tore my heart up. I mean he has had I don't wanna go to daddy's whine sessions and vice versa when I pick him up. Tonight however he was grabbing on to me crying, begging to stay, yelling wait I want a hug and kiss. It was one of the hardest things I've had to go through. It actually had me so upset I had to take a minute to cry on the hall way stares before coming back up into the house. I still haven't completely calmed down and it's been about a half hour.

I feel like I might be over-reacting and that he's crying out of crankiness ( He's tired). Right now I kind of want to blame pregnancy hormones. Like maybe I wouldn't of reacted so badly if I was hormonally balanced right. I just feel horrible right now and wished I could of kept him longer :(

(Of course Miss Lexy was fine and happy like always)

Rash=yuck

2011-02-07T11:13:00.000-05:00

My poor Lexy has had a rash since Friday. It's mostly on her face, a little on her arm and her chest. At first it looked all red like wind burn/sun burn. Now it's mostly gone except a few spots on her face that have a bumpy, pimply rash. If it's not better tomorrow I am going to run her up to the doctors. I am sure he'll tell me it's just a rash and I am being and over-reactive mommy.

21 week picture

2011-02-03T09:51:00.000-05:00

21 Weeks!

2011-02-03T09:48:00.000-05:00

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 21 weeks
Size of baby: Length of a carrot
Total Weight Gain: 15 pounds
Maternity Clothes:Yeah deff. living in sweats!

Gender: Boy
Movement: A couple times a day.
What I miss:Working out
Cravings:I love fruit
Symptoms: Left leg hurts a lot usually and constant
ly peeing.

Early Wordless Wensday

2011-01-25T14:39:00.000-05:00

My Jayce

2011-01-25T09:02:00.000-05:00

County Exam Today

2011-01-22T13:24:00.000-05:00

I took a county telephone receptionist entry level exam. The exam didn't seem difficult at all. The only part I mildly struggled with was the part of the exam ( which was only 10 questions). Hopefully I pass and get on the county list for positions like this. I will know if I passed in 4 to 6 weeks......Wish me Luck :)

New News Exposed

2011-01-22T13:20:00.000-05:00

So as the title states I have some news I have been keeping hush for a while that I am now deciding to share. The only think I ask is that if by chance you are on my facebook do not post this information there, just for the fact that I really do not want to share my business with the 650 people who are on the list.

About five months ago I found myself shockingly/ unexpectedly pregnant for my third child. At first I didn't know what to do with this information I was shocked and scared for a long time. I am now happy with the new news. I also wanted to say that the newest addition is a boy due in June.

Blog Face Lift

2011-01-11T13:43:00.000-05:00

I have had my blog since 2008 and, thought it was now time to update it with a name change. The title Jacknlexzmom just doesn't fit anymore so I changed it. I also added a different backround which I love :)

Fun In The Snow!

2011-01-10T09:46:00.000-05:00

Saturday Joe and I brought the kids out in the snow. There wasn't a ton of snow but enough, and the kids had a blast.

Talky Talkersons!

2011-01-06T21:56:00.000-05:00

Tonight I was picking Jack and Lexy they were so funny. The whole ride home from their fathers they would not stop talking. Jack was his witty self explaining to me what a crescent moon and a full moon were. He also was telling his 7 year old cousin all about how he rode a tobaggon, and what it actually was.

Lexy was my silly girl telling me all about how they went to see yogi bear in 3D!! Both kids were wearing the glasses all the way home.

Hearing them talk all about school and their whole week they had at their dad's house, just puts me in awe. I really cannot believe how big that my babies are. I am just shocked that the kids are finally so grown up that they have these amazing thoughts and opinions that they share.

2010-12-28T18:38:00.001-05:00

I am basically testing out my mobile blogger. Hehe

Potty Training....check, check, CHECK!

2010-12-26T19:10:00.000-05:00

Miss Alexis is now fully going on the potty!!!!! Yeah both my babies are now big kids!
I am so proud of them :)

Christmas Eve

2010-12-24T11:12:00.000-05:00

Yupp I have all my gifts wrapped up and sorted! I am just now getting the munchkins ready to go to their fathers for the night and, then it's set up time for the family Christmas eve get together. I can't wait to eat,eat and eat some more tonight and sit watch a Christmas story over and over again ( now that is a tradition!). I am a little sad that it's not my turn with the kid's for Christmas eve but I'll see them tomorrow afternoon and I know they'll be just as excited.

I guess I already have to stop this entry because my little Lexy is dying to play a game :)

Yay 5 days until x-mas!!!!!

2010-12-20T17:24:00.000-05:00

I am so excited! Christmas is only 5 days away!!!!! I cannot wait for the kids to open up their presents I got them some things I know they are going to absloutley love:)
I am a little bit bummed, because this year is the kid's dads turn for christmas eve, I won't get them untill Christmas afternoon, but I know they'll still be just as thrilled as when their here and wake up christmas morning.

Lexy's First Hospital Stay

2010-12-20T12:16:00.000-05:00

As the title states my poor baby spent the 48 hours before her third birthday in the hospital. She was sick for about 4 days with a fever of 103 and her pee just smelled so bad. i suspected she had a uti and brought her to the doctors office. I took her home and had another appointment with him a few days after that and, he sent us straight to the hospital. After 48 hours and four rounds of iv antibiotics my baby was allowed to go home. She is now doing 100 percent better.

She had to have a procedure about a week or so after the hospital stay to check for reoccurring uti's which came back negative, which means hopefully this one uti will be the only one.

The only think she has now is that she is anemic and has to take Iron everyday. In a month we go back to the doctors to check her blood count. So Hoping her Iron will be back to normal by then.

Lexy Boo's 3rd Birthday

2010-12-20T12:04:00.000-05:00

Dec. 6th my little princess turned 3. I can't believe she was born three years ago it seems like I was just having her 1st birthday party. She has grown up so much in 3 years, She now loves to sing songs, tell knock knock jokes and of course tease her older brother everyday. She has grown so fast and I am so proud if the little person she has and is becoming.

We celebrated her birthday party the weekend before she was so excited for her Dora party and, the homemade cupcake tree I made.She had so much fun despite that she was feeling so tired and run down that day.The only downfall of the whole party is Lexy got sick later in the evening.

Happy Birthday Lexy! Mommy loves you so much.

Sick of People

2010-11-24T00:44:00.000-05:00

I am really sick to death of people. I am so done with certain people in my life. I get that I am human and I make mistakes, sometimes little ones sometimes huge ones. I also know that despite that I am still a good person. I am sick to death with people saying all these negative things behind my back only to smile in my face and deny it to me. I don't deserve to be taunted by ignorant people. Yes, that's what you are. You spit on people who don't have your point views and you think they are garbage for not having your outlook on life. You say you don't judge because you even make mistakes but yet here you are judging away.

I am basically quitting the drama and brushing away all negativity. I don't even know why I am getting upset? your thoughts and opinions mean nothing to me. Your negativity only brings me down if I give it the power to.

What's been Happening

2010-08-24T07:49:00.000-04:00

Life has been good. Work is going alright, I like it, it's not to bad and I work with some great people:) The kid's are doing amazing. Jack is fully potty trained and still the charmer he as always been since birth. My wild child Lexy is still stubborn and sassy like always!!!! Wow Jack is 4 and Lexy is almost 3, I can't believe it....wow to think so much time has passed.

I am also heading back to court. I can't believe I have to go to court just to obtain health insurance cards from my kid's dad. He frustrates me a bit. 2 years have almost passed, I just wish we could just co-parent and have a united front. Make decisions together and just raise our kids the best we can. He never agrees on anything or even converse's with me. If he can't communicate with me and compromise on some things by now...I figure he never is going to and I am sick of wasting my breath.

My personal life has been going great as well. I have amazing family and friends who make just happy each day I wake up. My friends have been keeping me happy and sane, while the kid's are spending their vacation time with their dad ( I miss them so much!)

Pretty much what I am saying is life is going good for me......I made it through the bad/rough times and now I am having a smooth and happy ride :)

Jack's Finally is There- Potty Training CHECK!!!

2010-07-26T07:06:00.000-04:00

Jack has been a little behind on the whole potty training thing, Yeah He turned 4 in May and was still in diapers!!!! This week he finally accomplished this milestone. I can say he is officially wearing underwear and using the potty all by himself :) I am so proud of him he is growing up fast and becoming so independent. No matter how old he gets he will always be my little Jackman, my baby :) I love you Jack!!!!

Finally found a new job

2010-07-22T14:40:00.000-04:00

I finally found a job working stationary at Wal-mart. ( yupp good old wally world again)! Yeah it's a job and I have bills to pay so I am satisfied. I am still looking for a second job as well, I want to make more money maybe get out of my parents house soon and back out on my own. Of course maybe I was never on my own, I had the kid's dad supporting me.........this time I'd really be out on my own completely independent.....which makes me scared but smile at the same time :)

General Anxiety Disorder

2010-07-11T18:37:00.000-04:00

I don't think I have ever mentioned this to many of you before, but I was diagnosed with anxiety about a year ago or so. Anxiety has really sucked for me. I have had panic attacks where I felt like I was dying. I have had moments of anxiousness and expecting negative events to happen for no apparent reason. I have insomniac behaviors at many times. The scariest thing I go through is the fact that I am overly stress and can't handle it at all. I get stressed in situations a person should not get stressed in, My stress leads to sometimes angry outbursts, a lot of tears and thoughts that I am crazy and losing control of my life. My doctor put me on Lexapro but it's stopped being effective besides the fact that I don't like taking medication I don't even take cold medicine. Lately I've been trying natural remedies for it, like exercise and yoga. I am also going to start talking to a counselor, talking to a professional might help me learn to cope with my anxiety. I hate having anxiety and I just want it to go away. I don't know if I have always had anxiety or not.......I never noticed it before until I started having panic attacks within the past 2 years. I am hoping with all the new things I am trying combined with possibly the old I can get past all these feelings and start to feel better.

Applications, Applications!

2010-07-09T19:54:00.000-04:00

So Jc Penny never called which highly annoys me. Come on were all adults so when you tell me your calling telling people regardless if their hired or not I expect you to. I know it's scary there management but put on your big boy panties grow a set and call please! Anywhoo.... I filled two more retail applications out and put six locations down between them both so hoping someone calls and gives me a chance. Yupp almost 3 months in the unemployment pool and I am sooooo tired of wading in their and I want to get the heck out and make some money.

wow how times flies and life changes

2010-07-07T12:17:00.000-04:00

I have my blog for 3 years, I just read through many of my old posts and I am shocked at how much has changed in my life. Some entries made me smile and remeber all the good moments like Lexy's first tooth or the silly stuff Jackman used to do. Then there were memories that defintly brought tears to my eyes........bad memeories about splitting with Ed and being apart from my kids. Re-reading all those entries really has shown me/ reminded me how strong I am and what I've accomplished in my life.

Job hopefully

2010-07-02T11:34:00.000-04:00

I had an interview with Jc penny on Wensday, they're suppose to call me at some point today to let me know if I got the job. I think I did really well in the interview Sooo I hope they do chose me. For now I am playing the waiting game.

Doing better, feeling good

2010-06-29T08:26:00.000-04:00

I can offically say that funk I was feeling is over. I feel so much better now. I am extermeley happy that I have the kid's and extra week! So we have been trying to do fun stuff. I have taking them swimming and on playdates and all that. I've been a little bit stressed but we all know me I am stressed always lol.

Woke up with higher spirits

2010-06-22T19:42:00.000-04:00

I woke up today feeling a little bit better, so I am hoping maybe I am inching my way out of the funk I've been in. Granted I am still feeling lonely but I am not feeling so lost as I have been. After 2 weeks of isolating myself I actually have and urge to be around people like my friends, I can't wait to get my kid's for 3 weeks....makes me soooo happy that I get to spend so much time with them!

Lonely

2010-06-20T22:05:00.000-04:00

I feel like crying yet I have no tears, that's how I feel at this exact moment. I feel like I want to emotionally explode. I want to talk to someone or vent but no one comes to mind. I have great friends and I know they all say I can talk to them but I really can't. I have no one I can really talk to that can honestly understand how I feel and really relate to what I am going through.

It's been a rough two years for me. First the whole split with Ed and the grueling family court battle. The day Ed and I split is the day that destroyed the person I once was. It still hurts to think back to him keeping the kids from me and not being able to hold them and kiss them everyday, it still kills me. Then the whole break up with Jon was an emotional mess, break ups are hardly ever a clean break I suppose. Then all the guys I dated after that......just left me honestly feeling used. Then learning sometimes friends aren't friends and they aren't their for you and they betray you. Losing my job really sucked too, now here I am 2 months later and still can't find a job. I have to depend on my parents for everything now. I truely feel broken inside. I am broken and I don't think it can be fixed, like to much damage has been done. I am emotionally totaled.

Empty Inside

2010-06-18T15:01:00.000-04:00

Lately I have been in a funk. I don't know if you can call it sad, because I am not really sad. I just have felt like being cut off from the world. I have deff. been isolating myself from other people. I have been pushing people away effortlessly lately, I really wish they would understand that I just want to be with me right now. It urks me when people try and be there when you don't want them too. For example I told a friend of mine that lately I have just not been up too seeing anyone and didn't want too. So my friend says you sound like you just need to go out and have some fun with people. It's like really? really?? thanks for totally disreguarding the part of the conversation where I said I do not want t be around people. I am just hoping I come out of this funk I've been in soon.

rip mike

2010-06-12T15:22:00.000-04:00

Last Friday not this past friday I met a guy named Mike. I spent the night talking to him when everyone else went to sleep. He seemed like a nice fun loving guy, smiling and just laid back and happy. I guess I met him before when I was younger maybe 16 or so, but I don't remeber really. Wensday Mike died. I am shocked and sad, there has just been too much death these past 2 months. I hate seeing my friends hurt that is what kills me the most, I can't stand seeing their pain and being helpless. Rest In Peace Mike. Stay strong and my prayers go out to Mike's friends and family.....he seemed like an awesome person and I am happy I got too meet him.

Rip
Mike
June 9,2010

rip baby sabrina

2010-06-04T17:03:00.000-04:00

I went to a wake yesterday morning, my friends and my other friends daughter/niece passed away. She looked like such a little angel and the service was beautiful. Seeing my friend's so upset broke my heart, it's one of those situations where of course you just don't understand. Sabrina was only 11 months old and it really is heart wrenching eventhough you know she is in a better place where she is happy and pain free. Yesterday was my first time meeting/seeing Sabrina....I wish I got the chance to meet her before hand, she really is a beautiful angelic little baby.

I'll keep her family in my prayers and I really do hope they can find the strength to keep going on. I love you guys <3

Once again I really think everyone should take the time to tell the people in their lives they love them and to cherish every moment with them, because life is truly to short.

RIP
Sabrina Marie
6/2009-5/2010 <3

" you said I gave u butterflies and then you flew out of my life"

2010-05-07T19:20:00.000-04:00

So Tike and I are no more. We fought and he ended it. Then the next day all of sudden it turned on me and I was guilty of breaking his heart. I don't know what you want me to say? I am sorry I didn't love you and you breaking up with me didn't hurt me like you planned on it to do.

Inspite of the break up I still thought he was an amazing guy, but after some of his childish actions I don't believe that about him anymore.

So bravo Tike you win, Your lies hurt my reputation and now I'd like you to leave and pretend you never walked into my life!

R.I.P Aaron Dobert

2010-05-02T22:35:00.000-04:00

People enter our lives and leave then re-enter again all the time. Aaron was a kid I met when I was 14, he was fun loving and care- free and we became pretty close that summer in summer school.
Summer school ended and we just didn't talk anymore.....He was from a different school and back then at 13 years old that was like being in two different countries.

Recently in February I found him on facebook and that lost friendship was rekindled. We facebook chatted and texted about how our lives were going and how we should meet up sometime. The usually talk you do when you reconnect with a friend. Aaron was still the same guy so funny and fun loving....I actually couldn't believe that a person could stay the same that many years.

Today I woke up to find out that he was gone. I first was shocked and now I am just so deeply sad.
I regret not taking the time to really make the plans to hang with him again....ya know I was just busy with things in my own life. It's crazy how death is so common yet it shocks us all the time.

Aaron was an amazing guy he loved his family and his friends, he was the kind of guy that could light up a room and I am truly going to miss him
Rip
Aaron Scott Dobert
May 2, 2010
Always in our hearts <3

WTF Blogspot!!!!

2010-05-02T19:55:00.001-04:00

I usually do a picture through the years kind of things for the kid's on their birthday, but blogspot is being dumb and is not allowing that option.......Grrrrr!!!!

Hopefully it's a minor fluke on their part and I'll be able to do Jack's pictures soon.

Happy Birthday Jackman!!!

2010-05-02T19:54:00.001-04:00

Jack is 4 tomorrow. It has been 4 years since this amazing little miracle has come into my life.
Jack was born May 3rd 2006....He weighed ten pounds 5 ounces and he was 22 1/2 inches long. Jack has had some obstacles in the four years of his life.....Jack is developmentally delayed and that has been a long journey for him, He's finally caught up with other children his age. He is sweet and caring,polite, energetic and smiling and I am so honored that I have such a special son in my life <3 <3 <3 <3

Happy 4th Birthday Jack Daniel* mommy loves you with every piece of her heart <3

My game Plan

2010-04-28T18:08:00.002-04:00

Hello blogging world, which is code for hello Tamara because I am sure I am the only one who really reads this well b/c I write it.....any whoo!

I withdrew from my online college and I am going to apply to my local community college. I just think it will be easier for me I am a book learner I always have been and I flourish sitting inside a class room learning from an instructor.

My life is kind of at another down yet up point or maybe at a stall is a better way to put it. Meaning I withdrew from school and lost my job. So I am school less and jobless like a bum in a way.

I know it's not permanent and I am going to do what I have to do and I will be back on track and following that road to my dreams once again.

So wish me luck.

Fellow Planet Fitness Members

2010-04-22T13:37:00.002-04:00

Dear fellow planet fitness members,

Do you know what a 30 minute workout is? It means Green light GO! red light STOP!!! and move to the next machine.....alright that's how it works green go red stop.

I have a life ya know and I do not have all damn day to camp out at the gym. So when I am trying to use the express 30 minute workout, I really need you to move your butt.

No it's not called the camp out for 20 minutes and then move 30 minute workout.

So the next time you work out I'd apperciate it if you ya know read that bright yellow instructions on the wall and did the workout like it is intended......yeah thanks!

Just in case your slow I am gonna say this again GREEN MEANS GO! , RED MEANS STOP!
ok? think you can handle that?

Alright

>:D

My List

2010-04-19T12:37:00.002-04:00

Ok ok I just thought I'd make a list of things I would like to accomplish by September. I think It's good to have a check list gives you something to focus on:D

1. Get a Job
2. Apply to HVCC
3. Take my kids to do some amazing Summer activities
4. write a new poem once a week
5. learn cpr/first aid
6. lose at least 15 pounds

So that's what I have so farrr

The Final Decision

2010-04-18T11:20:00.002-04:00

So as I expected option one occurred I was Terminated from my job, The reasoning for it "workplace violence". hmmm this terminology is new too me I suppose, I looked information up on of course google and all I could find is incidents of obviously violence and threating that occur at work.

It truly baffles me how I can be fired for this reason When 1. The incident did not occur at work, during work or was ever brought into the place of employment.
I also think honestly my job is being bias is, just for the fact that they did not listen to how the argument and exchange of vulgar words began.

The whole incident would not have occurred if my "peruser" would of just accepted that I didn't wanna be romantically involved and just ended the friendship end of story.
Instead he's have to commit the crime of deformation of my character and then harass people in my lives trying to convince them I am a horrible human being.

Then of course he plays victim and kudos he played it well if I wasn't involved in the situation maybe he would of fooled me too, but I am and I know first hand how an obsessive person can be.

I guess in the end he followed through on his threat I did lose my job, but I just think he should know he has only dented a part of my life not destroyed it :)

Today is work D-day

2010-04-16T10:10:00.002-04:00

Today is the day I find out at work what is going to happen to my working situation.
I have thought out many scenario in my head of the outcome. Scenario one is of course I am fired....number 2 derk and I are put on opposite work shifts......number 3 a department change and four a store location change in which as far 4 go is just not going to be possible for me.

Today I go into work at 2:30 and I am figuring by 3 I'll know what is exactly going on.
Do I think what is going on in the situation is fair well of course not. In all honesty I do not feel that I should be punished for any verbal retaliation that happened outside of work, because I was verbally assaulted just for the reason that I did not want to be romantically involved with a co-worker.

Of course Life is never actually fair and that is reality.

Introduction to Tike

2010-04-14T17:59:00.002-04:00

I usually do not like to talk about my "romantic" part of my life. I kind of feel like the minute I mention it the relationship kind of crumbles. Within 2 years I'll admit I have dated a few guys. I have brushed up against love a few times and even fell once.

I am a hopless romantic at heart eventhough my head wants to say pshhhh forget love it's not real. A couple times I came close to thinking a guy was the one and BANG!!! fell on my butt and was fooled again.

I am a little reluctant to talk about my Tike due to my past experiences, but I feel like I have too. I have to be honest I have never been more amazed in a man then I am with him. He is just so funny yet serious.....he is def. what I consider an old soul like wise before his time as dorky as that sounds. I have never been good at opening up and talking about anything I am really good at keeping things bottled up inside me.

Tike makes me want to talk and a lot.....I feel like no matter what I say he's going to have solid advice and never ever judge me for my past at all. He truely is an amazing person and I really think everyone should get to know him in general.

He deff. gives you a sense of comfort like no matter what bumps are in the road your gonna be alright and make it through. He really just makes me smile all the time and I think how is this possible....I mean how can he make me just be happy all the time even when my life is soooo kicking my ass.

Yeah Yeah true this is a new relationship and it still has that new relationship smell lol....but I can't seem to shake the feeling that this thing him and I have going on may just end up being and staying incredible and I hope it does.

Okay Okay I think I am done gushing like a 14 yearold girl:D

Smudging up my name

2010-04-14T17:42:00.002-04:00

I have been accused of the crime of being a slut, all those who are accusing me actually do not know me at all. well........I guess those who don't know you must know you best right? screw family and my friends I have for years....yes...most deff. strangers are those one who are inside me and know me the best.

It amazes's me absloutley amazes me that someone who was once suppose to be such a good friend would all of sudden treat you like your a horrible tramp all because they liked you and wanted something more and you didn't want to.

It hurts deeply when someone spits all over your identity and has a bunch a people who only know your name judging you. Yes I will admit I have been slapped in my idenity and it stung.

I always thought you were an awesome person and that we had so much fun. Yeah you liked me and I tried to like you too......but I just couldn't you felt like family like the love you have for a brother or a sister. You just could never understand that......I tried not to hurt you, I tried to be adult and apologize for breaking your heart and all you could do was bash me with your friends, people I don't know.
It was at that exact moment I read all those comments that I knew you were not a good person.

Good people mess up like everyone else we get hurt we sometimes say mean things but we don't take it to the extremities like you did.

I hope your happy and proud and smiling, because yes you succeeded ya hurt me and hurt my kids by lighting a fire under my life. hmmm...........by Friday who knows I may not have my job which midly causes my kids to suffer but in your head thats justified because you think their mother is a slut because she didn't want to be with you romantically.

Kudos to you.....you got your revenge and I bet it tastes sweet but after that sweet sensation know that it will become a bitter taste in the back of your mouth.

As for myself I am strong and I am gonna bounce back.....right now I am wounded by those cruel words that were stated but I know I will heal and I know I am still me. I am still loving,caring,creative and a beautiful person and that's not going to change..........I am me and I am proud of that<3

Friends and Facebook Drama

2010-04-12T18:22:00.002-04:00

As so you can tell by the title this entry is going to be a vent for sure. I guess I don't understand why people feel the need to put people down on a public social networking site. Someone that was suppose to be a close friend will call him Dirk, was an awesome friend but had all these feelings for me and I tried to see him in that way and just couldn't. So I started to see someone lets call him Tyke. When Dirk found out all of sudden I was a user and a slut and he felt the need to express this to everyone in the facebook world.

So it just got me thinking about how yeahh everyone has enemies and hates people, but why post things about them ya know. I am even guilty of that for the fact that I got angry and retaliated. I mean seriously though we are all human and have feelings and it hurts just as much when someone steps on them as when it happens to you.

I didn't mean to hurt his feeling I don't like ever hurting anyone, I have have a big heart I wear on my sleeve. I thought he was different but in reality he wasn't he proved by his behavior that he's not the good friend I thought he was. One day I am sure he'll regret the way he treated me but I am not forgiving the way he behaved all because I didn't love him romantically.

Steps to a summer body

2010-03-07T19:39:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I am starting my diet to get my summer body. My goal is to lose 25 pounds by July first so i'll be updating here about my progress.

Make up for my Lexybooo

2010-03-02T12:46:00.005-05:00

I haven't been on in so long I realized I never did a bday tribute to Lexyboo. Yes my Lexy turned 2 on December 6,2009<3 I love her so much:)

Been A Very Long Time

2010-03-01T14:37:00.002-05:00

My life has just felt like it's on a destructive path.My year has been filled with so much pain and minimal good. First the split with E and then court and having everything I love feel like it was being ripped away. Then I met someone who filled my heart with such happiness just to play mind games and there I was hurt again. A few more guys have come and gone.......I thought maybe they might have that light inside them I was looking for but they don't.....so here I am done hoping and done looking, I just want to be with my kid's and I don't want any extra people coming into our lives anymore.

Even a year from now I am still struggling with being a single mom, still trying to get on my feet again. I am just hoping this year 2010 that I am going to be stronger and wiser and just have a better year.

Got a Tattoo

2009-08-10T12:55:00.002-04:00

yupp this mama got a tattoo. I never thought I would get one. The idea of needles just doesn't excite me lol. I actually did it though I got a tribal heart and it's really cool looking.

Started School

2009-08-10T12:51:00.002-04:00

Today I started college online. I am going for Human Services. It's a little overwhelming but exciting. School online is really neat everything's done through message boards and your books and everything is downloaded. I am just really really excitied about this can't wait get my degree and have a better future.

What's been happening

2009-07-22T19:23:00.001-04:00

I am in the process of applying for school online. I want to get a bachelors degree in human services. So I am pretty excited about that. I am also of course going back to trade school in September. I am also still looking for a job soooo hopefully I find something soon.

Jobless

2009-06-19T14:31:00.002-04:00

yupp I quit the wonderful world of wal-mart. What happened was I had lost my name badge and they sent me home. yeah my fault I know. The next day I was given a no call no show. Which I think was completely unfair. So I quit. I am now back in the job hunting world. hopefully some of the places will call me back that I applied to. so wish me luck.

Jackman is 3

2009-05-20T23:47:00.005-04:00

My baby boy turned 3 May 3rd. I just cannot believe it he's growing up so fast. Happy birthday jackman I love you so much<3>

I am a horrible Blogger!!!

2009-05-20T23:39:00.003-04:00

Yes I am a horrible blogger. It's been about 2 months since my last post. sorry for negelecting anyone who may actually read about my life haha. Well so here's what's been happening within my life. school has let out for the summer. So I plan too pick up more hours at my job. At 23 years old I just finally went for my leaners permit (lol) a long time coming. I just applied for a medical receptonist job so I am keeping my fingers crossed at the moment. This is all I have accomplished in 6 months of trying to pick myself up after life knocked me to the ground hard. I want to apply to college also do it online. I really am just trying to better myself for Jack and Lexy mostly. I want to give them everything I can. So yeah that's what has been going on.

Life Kicks Our Asses

2009-04-23T15:53:00.002-04:00

I honestly wish I could say life is getting better for me, but it's not. I work a part time job and go to vocational school school at night. I struggle supporting myself and my kids every other week. No one care though. I don't matter no one sees that I am trying to make things better. I work so hard and for nothing. Sure I hope that in the end it all pays off. Right now though it feels like it will never end and I'll always just be stuck. I think back on my life so far and I can't think of one thing I did that was so bad that I deserved all of this. yeah like everyone else floating in misery I ask why me. why me? why is it that I get beat down emotionally and physically yet it goes unnoticed. Why did he get physically custody of the kids when I always cared for them and loved way more there my entire life. why is that I have to struggle while he sits back and has all his wants and needs handed too him on a silver platter. All I can say is it is completely true when it is said that life is not fair.

whats been happening

2009-02-12T17:21:00.003-05:00

Well my school lost all my enrollment papers so I have to restart. so yeah that sucks fortunately I was only in class 2 weeks so starting over not such a disaster.

Saturday my friend is getting married. I am so shocked b/c she didn't tell me until a week before the date. I cannot wait to go and take tons of pictures. She's the first friend of mine to get married I am so estaic. How romantic getting married on valentines day<3

speaking of vday Jon got me a ring for valentines day. I picked it on online and now have to wait 2 weeks for it I am excited for that. Jon's so sweet.

anyways that's what's been happening.

a new dish I want to try

2009-02-12T17:18:00.002-05:00

I saw a recipe on the campbells website for skillet mac and beef. I am going to cook it tonight. It looks pretty simiple to make which is great for me b/c let me tell ya I am no Racheal Ray. It looks really delicious in the picture online. If all turns out well I'll be back to post the recipe. wish me luck I am really bad at cooking.

Part Two

2009-02-03T00:29:00.002-05:00

That day Ed was home from work. I just wanted him to help clean the house. He just sat their playing video games like he always does. In frustration I began yelling at him. He just snapped he grabbed my arm and was in my face screaming at me. I pushed him away and yelled at him not to touch me. Next thing I knew he had his arm around my neck and he threw me to the ground. He was on top of me and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I started kicking and punching him yelling at him to get off me and that I couldn't breathe. He wouldn't stop he just kept going. I started screaming for help and his mom came over. I thought she would help me but I should of known better. Ed let go of me and his mom took my kids to her house. I got up crying and grabbed the phone and called my mom. Ed kept yelling at me and followed me up the stares. He only stopped when I told him my mom was calling the police. The police did come. I was dumb and didn't press charges. I was to afraid I didn't want to make him mad or his family. When the police left Ed jumped in a car with the kids and his mom. 5 hours I was left alone in my apartment crying. I had no money,no Transportation,no idea where my babies were. When they did come back they came back laughing and carrying pizza over to his grandparents house. I sat there alone in tears until my parents came to get me. Ed did not allow me to take or see my kids. Him and his family actually lied and said they had temporary custody and I could not have them. My heart broke the night I left and had to leave my kids behind. I spent 3 weeks crying everyday because he would not let me see my kids. still to this day I don't understand how he could do that to me and them. How can you be so heartless that you do not let your kids see their mother. How can you look at their little faces everyday and know that you took their mom from them. How could you make my babies think that their mother abandoned them like she didn't love them. Only a truly evil person could be capable of something so horrible. fast forward to today I am slowly getting back on my feet and taking control of my own life. I am still dealing with grueling family court dates, but my life is going good. It's weird to think that day was the worse day and the happiest day of my life. Worse day because I was separated from my kids the people that mean most to me in this world. Yet the happiest because I got away from him. I am finally free and I thank god for that everyday.

A Story I want to tell

2009-02-02T23:50:00.002-05:00

Many people know that Ed and I had a falling out and now are battling it out in family court. It's taking some months but I want to tell everyone what happened to me. I guess I need to start from the beginning of it all when I met him.

I had big dreams I was 19 just graduated high school and starting college in the fall. I wanted to be an English teacher or maybe a writer I wasn't completely sure what I wanted to do with my life at that moment. I wanted a house in Maine and a perfect little family. Plans never workout the way we want. I ended up 19 and pregnant. pregnant by a guy that I thought was the one. I was not thrilled with being pregnant I was honestly ashamed. I couldn't tell anyone except my best friend. I was afraid that people would think less of me. What did I do? I ran. I told my mom I wasn't going to college and packed my things and moved in with Ed and his mom. Ed and I didn't even tell our families I was pregnant until I was 5 months and couldn't hide it anymore. Ed also asked me to marry him. I said yes. I wanted to marry him I wanted us to be that perfect little family. In May we had a handsome little boy. life was perfect being a mom was the best thing that ever happened to me but it was hard at times. Night time feedings, numerous diaper changes I wasn't prepared. I thought Ed would be right there helping me but he wasn't. I did everything myself. I got through it like every other mother has. When Jack was four months I had a huge fight with Ed's mom. She resents me for stealing her son. She also wanted to take the role as mom in Jack's life which I was not allowing. make a long story short I ended up back at my moms. I begged Ed to come stay at my moms with us but he wouldn't. Ed became distant and mean. He was always running around with his friends drinking and smoking pot while I took care of Jack. We started arguing all the time and he started calling me cruel names like a bitch and a cunt. I didn't think we were going to make it then. I was so afraid of ending up a single mom. I didn't want that for my kids so I was determined to keep the relationship going. We ended up getting our own place but on Ed's income alone we were barley surviving. That is when Ed decided we should move into the apartment next door to his mother that his grandfather owned. Ed said it would be best we didn't have to pay anything rent,water,electricity,heat his grandfather took care of it all. We moved back to Ed's hometown and I also was expecting again. That next year is when everything got bad. Jack was diagnosed developmentally delayed,Alexis was born,Ed switched jobs and then lost his job. That is when the arguments got unbearable and the hitting began. He would push me,grab me,drag me and sometimes even punch me during an argument and when I cried he made fun of me. He called me names and made me feel worthless everyday. Even though he did all those awful things to me I still loved him. I used to think I deserved it like maybe if I didn't argue with him I wouldn't drive him to hit me. He was always sorry after. He always apologized and said it wouldn't happen again and I believed him. Time after time I believed that would be the last bad fight. After awhile I stopped believing. I wanted to leave him. every time we fought I swore it was the last time. The last time I would be told I am going to be hit like a man if I am going to act like one. The last time he would drag me down the stares and try and throw me out the front door. It never was I always forgave him. I had no where to go. I had no money and no where to stay with my kids. Besides I didn't want to break up our family. Then one day I suppose god decided it was time for all the abuse to stop.

What's been Happening

2009-02-02T17:24:00.002-05:00

I have been working part-time at walmart for 2 months. Which is going okay. I like it but it is boring as well. I work in the jewelry department so it is not fast-paced at all.

I also just recently started vocational school. Nights 3 times a week. I am going for Health Information Technology (medical receptionist kind of stuff). Right now in class I am learning basic computer knowledge stuff. Like typing and Microsoft literacy.

I am also looking for a full-time job but have had no luck yet ( ya know with the crappy economy its hard).

Intro to the new guy

2009-02-02T17:17:00.002-05:00

I've been seeing the most amazing guy ever named Jon. I have been with him for a few months. He has really helped me get through as you all know one of the darkest times in my life and I love him for it. It feels good to have someone pushing you so hard because they believe in you. They believe that you can do anything as long as you set your mind to it. However I am also very catious after the whole falling out with Ed. I don't want to fall into the same pattern so I am taking things pretty slowly. It just feels great to have someone in my life whos lifting me up instead of beating me down. I just hope this is the beginning of a happier life for me.

Updates,Updates

2009-01-28T20:00:00.003-05:00

Well it has been awhile since I have updated. I don't know where to start.....
Chritmas-Christmas was great. I got the kids at 2 in the afternoon so they weren't into opening presents......so another year of me doing the unwrapping. Christmas was bitter sweet. It killed me that I didn't have the christmas eve. I missed the whole waking up to see the excitiment in their eyes at all the gifts santa left. I did however love spending christmas day with them having christmas dinner and having them 3 days after that.
Lexy's Party- Well I didn't have her party until the beginning of January. I had to cancel her party back in December because of a horrible ice storm. Her party was awesome though. I got the cutest cupcake cake of a butterfly. I can't believe it shes a year old. I made it through that rough baby stage (lol) I loved it while it lasted now I can't wait for her to grow and learn this year.
Jackman- Jack is doing awesome in therapy. He is now repeating colors,saying 3 and 4 word sentences. I am so proud of all the accomplishments he has made in such a short period of time.
Court- I had court again and it wasn't all that great. I feel like nothing was accomplished at all. The lawyers talked about was visitation again. So The kids father still has temporary physically custody and we have joint legal custody. I don't get He choked me yet he gets the kids. It just isn't fair. it isn't right. He keeps doing things to hurt me and mess with me yet no one is holding him accountable. I just hope in the end I am come out on top.

Merry Christams

2008-12-25T10:32:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas everyone

I will be back as soon as I can to post pictures!!!!!!!!

Christmas is expensive

2008-12-21T23:08:00.002-05:00

christmas is expensive. I spent $350 dollars on christmas gifts alone. When it comes to christmas I go a little crazy. I just love shopping for people:) I am so excitied for christmas I cannot wait to celebrate with my children. I am a little sad that I do not have my kids christmas eve. So I won't get to expierence the joy of watching my kids wake up and see the tree all lite up and the gifts santa brought. That does truely break my heart. I am trying to not let it get me down there's nothing I can do about the current situation. So anyways I hope everyone has a happy holiday and has no trouble finding last minute christmas gifts.

Ice Storm

2008-12-15T12:12:00.002-05:00

Thursday we had a wicked bad ice storm. Lost power for like a day and a half or so. So I had to miss my vistation with my kids but I had to think about their safety. Which also means I had to cancel Lexy's birthday party:( With christmas coming up I'll be having it in January. So back to the ice storm. Transformers blew everywhere I was actually awake when it happened in the middle of the night. looked like green lighting. Then with the weight of the ice trees were just falling down and shattering like glass. Schools are closed and so many people still don't have power. Thank god no one I knew got hurt because of the storm.